Love Lifted Me

This song is a religious song from my childhood. One of the legacies from my dad was his love of music, although sadly I didn't inherit the talent. I have an album on my playlist that came from my dad. I added it to my playlist because I truly enjoy Christi Lane’s vocals and the songs are familiar hymns from my childhood when I still believed in the religion I was raised in. Though I no longer subscribe to the tenets of organized religion, I do believe in a Higher Power. My definition of a Higher Power has morphed some over the years. From a simple child-like faith in a God or Higher Power through various spiritual awakenings, my faith is more spiritual in nature and has sustained me through the struggles and joys of life.

When I listen to songs of love, I hear something different today than I did before. Songs of romantic love always touched my heart with the love my husband and I have for each other over the last 40 years. Songs of Jesus and God always turned me off, even though the melodies and the singer often touch my heart, I refused to listen to the words because I couldn’t reconcile the words to my beliefs.

During the last year, music continues to be my solace. But, now when I sing along with the song, I find myself trying to capture some of the feelings of love that I’ve always felt before. With my husband’s Alzheimer’s and his move to memory care, I feel a huge loss of love in my life. He still loves me beyond belief, but his reality now is very different from mine. I will never stop loving him, but I love him differently now. The romantic love is but a memory that I still hold close to my heart. It is heartbreaking to lose that love. So when I’ve listened to songs of love, I’ve struggled to regain that feeling. In the last few days I’ve been listening to my music, both romantic and religious, and thinking about what love is for me.

Over the years I’ve developed quite an impressive network of friends that I’ve come to love and love me as well. Not romantic love, but a sustaining love of shared experiences and feelings along with respect, accountability and lots of tears and laughter. I have a wonderful support network of both male and female friends my age that I’ve known for years. We’ve been through a lot together over the years and I value each of them for who we are together. Interestingly enough, the friendship I have with Alice, in spite of the difference in our ages, has created a bond and a love for each other that has nothing to do with romance or God. It is a connection of our souls that drives us to share this next part of our life’s journey together with others. I don’t know where it will take us, but I’m not only looking forward to it, I am embracing it with my heart and soul.

It’s weird for me to think about love outside the context of romantic love. At this point in my life, having lost the man I’ve loved for so long, I wonder what love really is. For the first time since I was a teenager, I’m no longer looking for romantic love. I found it, enjoyed it for many years and no longer have it in the same form. And, I’ve discovered that love is more than just romantic love. Most of all, it is love for myself and sharing that love with family, friends, and now my new companion, a 6-month old kitten named Mr. Jones. As I discussed in an earlier post, the sermon at my aunt’s funeral opened my eyes and my heart to sharing that love with others, bringing meaning and legacy to the rest of my (dash) life. Love is more than just a love of God or a romantic love. Love is our actions in life—-how we treat ourselves and others with love, respect, and accountability for ourselves.

It is amazing to me that all of this has come about personally for me just as Alice and I are preparing for our Freedom Ride in 2027 to carry our message empowering others to pursue healing and walking away from being a victim. It’s like God is getting me spiritually ready for this journey. I’m already looking at events and people in my life differently and in a way of “what can I do for them” vs. “what do I want from them.” It’s no longer about me, but where can I be of service? I’m so excited to be a part of this team and help bring Alice’s vision to life to help others heal, each in their own way.

So when I hear about “Jesus’ love” or about romantic love, it expands in my heart as love in general and the words of every song work just as well with that meaning in my heart.

Love Lifted Me: The love I have for myself, the love others have for me and the love I return to them is the Love that Lifted Me. It is the people in my life where I practice love and in return their love lifts me up. I kind of like that. Makes sense to me, works for me.

Love and Peace,

Chick