Comfort Care

Just over a month ago a close friend told me that her mom had been put on comfort care after dealing with multiple health issues that could no longer be treated at her age. A tough time for anyone making those decisions and preparing for a loved one’s passing.

I went through this last December with my son. The most heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever been through. But, with every heartbreak, as I struggle to cope, I somehow find some internal strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I had known for a few months, after a surprise visit to my son, that he was dying of liver failure, but refusing medical help until he got so sick there was no turning back the clock. I remember thinking as I was leaving his apartment that day that I was going to have to bury my son. The most agonizing hit to my heart ever. I cannot even describe that gut-wrenching moment and the pain in my heart and soul, realizing that the end was near for him.

By the time we had the “comfort care” conversation with the doctor, even though I had known for weeks that everything they were doing in the hospital for him wasn’t going to save him, again the pain hit me even deeper in my soul as I agreed that it was time for comfort care. I had been there for him as much as I could, with my chronic pain and taking care of my husband. I continued to spend as much time with him as I could. We were able to spend time healing together and I’m forever grateful for that time with him. Standing by as my son slipped into death and took his last breaths was the most painful time that I can’t even begin to comprehend how I walked through it. It’s mostly a jumble of time, conversation, pain, laughter and copious tears as he came to the end.

Why am I telling you this? Because I have found over the years that even the most horrific experiences in life bring about lessons, growing, and healing. My experiences in Alcoholics Anonymous have shown me time and time again, that shared experience from somebody that has been down that same road, is often more powerful because they know. They know how it feels, they get the pain and the unspoken thoughts and words associated with the pain. It has become a way of life with me to share my experiences and what I learned with others.

Being able to be there for my friend going through a similar situation fills me with joy. Not because I rejoice in her pain, but that I can share my experience and she knows I’m not just spouting off the top of my head, but that I’ve been there and get what she’s feeling. Sharing the good, the bad and the ugly brings strength to both of us and also helps me affirm my journey of owning my inner peace and strength.

Now, I’m no guru, messiah nor a magical woman. But I have recognized the value for me and others in sharing how I’ve met life’s challenges and the growth and healing that comes with it. It’s my way of showing love for others and providing whatever pearls of wisdom I have learned and put into practice in my life in case someone else gets what I got from others. Nor, am I setting myself up as the one who knows it all. I don’t know it all, I’m still an imperfect person living an imperfect life. But, I have discovered some semblance of joy and peace in my life, and crave more for myself and the people I care about. And, now I’m taking it on down the highway and so excited about where this journey will take me, for better or worse.

Love and peace,

Chick