Role Reversal

It seems like my entire world is a snowy Christmas Globe right now.  Move it, shake it and the view changes.  No two days are the same.  Since I have been doing so good in my recovery, I’ve had the great opportunity to help others for a change.  I spent the day at one hospital when Alice had her surgery.  The next day taking my husband to the orthopedic for follow up after his hip replacement.  The following day, a day at another hospital for my stepson’s rotator cuff surgery and overnight the first night with him.  Since then, it seems I’ve been living in my truck, going back and forth to his house, running errands for myself and him.  Oh, and I took Alice’s friend back to Omaha.  Another two days in the truck.

The best part though, is being able to spend time with Alice as she recovers from her surgery.  Although she has family around, I’ve been stopping by on my way in and out of town.  The remodeling project is still in progress so everyone is pitching in.  Since I’m totally useless when it comes to that type of work, I’ve tried to be helpful in other ways.  Pizza delivery one night, made my taco soup per Alice’s request another night, daily trips to get our favorite energy drink, hanging out and being there for Alice.  It has been downright fun and rewarding to do something for someone who has been so helpful to me.  Everything we’re doing now is in preparation for the 50-state ride.  Getting our bodies repaired and built back up, getting our homes in order and preparing for riding as soon as weather permits.  We’re planning for a lot of riding and events here in Minnesota next summer before we take off the following year.

I’ve gone from the person everyone else was helping out to the person who can help someone else.  The biggest thing it has done for me is to get me out of my garage where I had been spending most of my time, not doing too much.  Now I’m on the go with very little time at home by myself.  Just like I learned early on in AA, being of service takes me outside of my head and allows information to flow.  Hopefully I help others in the process, but different perspectives and a free-flow of information through my head vs. just my own thoughts swirling around deep, dark holes they shouldn’t even be near can make a world of difference in my outlook and decision making process.

Even as I made preparations for heading up north to spend time with my family before Christmas, I thought I would stop and see her uncle on my way, since she hasn’t been able to get up to his place lately. She had some things to send with me back up to his place.  I delivered them and visited a bit before heading to my mom’s.  Then I collapsed.  I was in bed by 10:00 and slept over 12 hours.  Time to take care of myself.  Typical of me, I do nothing in half-measures.  Full speed ahead is the only way I do life.  Spending time with my mom is the best way to slow down and enjoy family.  My son came for dinner last night.  My brothers and their wives are coming over tonight.  My mom is enjoying Mr. Jones visit too.  He’s been having a blast exploring her house and keeping us occupied.

Tomorrow is one year since my son died.  So before I go home tomorrow I’ll be visiting his grave since we buried his ashes on the family plot here. One more step in saying goodbye to him.  I’m not super depressed or down about it today, anyway.  I grieve his death still, but I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow.  It feels like another way to stay connected to him, even though he’s physically gone.

When I get home, I’ll be right back at it.  Taking Todd to his meeting since he can’t drive yet.  Visiting my husband and Alice.  Sunday morning, picking up a friend at 3:00 am to give her a ride to the airport.  Another opportunity to help out someone who has been helping me.  At 1:00 Sunday afternoon, hosting a Christmas party for friends.  Maybe a nap in between, but probably not.  Christmas Day will be dinner at Memory Care with my husband.  Holidays are different now, but that’s ok.  Life changes make for lifestyle changes.  I just go with the next best thing.  I don’t have the energy to grieve the loss of traditions, I just go with the flow and keep the memories.  Holidays and life in general are what we make them.  I choose making new memories instead of staying in the past.  I’ve always been seeking the future experiences, don’t care much for reliving the past.  Learn, remember, and move on.

I sincerely hope you have a great holiday, whatever that is for you.

Love and Peace,

Chick