What do you do when your dreams of a life together are shattered?

Sit down and cry

Mourn the loss of your dream

Repeat…

Repeat…

Repeat…

Scream and rage

Get up and put one foot in front of the other

Start taking care of yourself

Gather your support circle

Start accepting the reality of your situation

Sit down and cry

Mourn the loss of your dream

Scream and rage

Spend time with friends and family

Get out and have some fun

Do at least one constructive thing each day

Remember the good times and take those memories with you

Sit down and cry

Mourn the loss of your dream

Start thinking about how you go on with your life

Keep putting one foot in front of the other as you start walking through a different reality

Search your soul for what will bring joy and meaning back into your life

Sit down and cry

Mourn the loss of your dream

Start taking the steps necessary to find your purpose and dreams for the next leg of your life’s journey

Keep putting one foot in front of the other

Take the good memories with you, leave the trash behind

Keep on trucking

I’ve been living this for the last three months since my husband moved into memory care. There was a lot of this going on before he moved, as his brain was deteriorating. Also, recently I’ve had several friends go through similar situations as their marriages are ending, or their mother died, or they are aging out of being able to live their life in their home, a scary medical diagnosis, or accident. It seems life is full of things that challenge us or change our life course.

The choice is ours…grasp the opportunity to change our life course or stay stuck in our misery and blame the world or persons that did us wrong.

I don’t like emotional pain any more than I like physical pain. I have to get rid of it, even if it means making major changes in the way I live my life in order to embrace a pain-free future. That’s not easy. It takes a lot of mental and emotional caretaking and the courage to make some tough choices. Sometimes it seems to be the easier, softer way to just wallow in the pain and blame the world. Taking accountability for myself and my life is hard work, but to me, it’s the only way to make the most of my life. I never saw myself as the person who allowed life events to overpower them. Since I was a little girl, I’ve been hungry to experience life outside of my little world living in the country of a small town in northern Minnesota. Well, I’m here to tell you that when that naive little girl grew up and started exploring life outside of her little world, things got complicated. I made good decisions and I made bad decisions and it took several years of opportunities to learn and grow and make the life I wanted for myself.

Now at 68 years old that life we made for ourselves over the last 41 years of being together has literally been shattered. I am 10 years younger than my husband, and we both kind of figured that he would go before me. But, I’m pretty sure neither of us pictured this kind of end to our life together. Alzheimer's disease is taking him apart, one piece at a time. It seems that all of a sudden, my life is no longer what it was. I’ve still got years to live and I am not ready to sit down and wait to die. I need to experience more life yet.  I’m not abandoning him, I love him too much for that.  I’m still walking beside him.  But as I move on with my life, I will hold the memories of our life together close to my heart

So, here I go on the next part of my journey finding a new dream and goals as I live out the rest of my years. I’m not sure how it will go, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I make the most of the time I have left. Motorcycling and sharing my life experiences are my two biggest passions and the ones I am pursuing now, even as I leave my shattered dreams behind.