People Need You

This was written earlier as part of a previous project -Editor

Original post date 3/28/2025

“Mom, have you made any videos lately?” my youngest son asked.  “I haven’t posted the ones I’ve done.” I answer looking up from my laptop. “You should get on that; you made promises to people.” He rebuttals in passing. Key word, promises. My head lifts in acknowledgement of the sign that just came in. What my son didn’t know was I just recently told someone hours before that “I don’t believe in promises.” Also, the next video I am supposed to post, already recorded, is on “I promise”. 

Memories of conversations at the job I was recently fired from, rolling in. Sitting at a picnic table, trying to enjoy the sun, with my feet kicked up on what I called “my tree” on break. Listening to a kid ask me questions about everything and anything when all I wanted to do was just hang with my tree and sit with my inner thoughts. We discussed a video I had recorded on promises that I have yet to post.  What sticks out the most was a comment about getting my videos out there. “When are you going to put the next video out? People need you.” 

Now, because of where I was mentally from taking all of life’s blows at the moment. Trying to figure out where I was going, questioning every move, and me just quitting. Quitting is on my mind a lot. Especially in the beginning, and when you start the journey of chasing your dreams, shit gets real. People drop off the face of the earth, relationships, friendships, partnerships, boundaries change, you change, things in your life change. It got to the point that so much changed in a short amount of time in the last month that I felt like I was on the ground taking kicks to the ribs and stomach, and I just laid there not even flinching. Just taking blow after blow. You lose people you never thought you would, and you get so lost in the loss that you feel you should just quit. To stay down where they put you. But, life has a way of giving you a hand up. I mean it’s your choice to stay down, to quit. We have freewill. You realize that the boundaries you set with one person rippled out, and the others started falling off. You realize that in your authenticity you are moving the ones out of the way, and that you are actually hitting the target on the ones you were aiming for. The signs are subtle, but they are still there. Waiting for you to move forward to keep going because you have become their voice as well. That the ones currently around you have no idea, the ones that you were truly aiming for are hearing you, feeling you, seeing you, waiting for you to finish, are in your corner, that they need you to finish. 

Chasing your dreams isn’t for anyone, I've read plenty of books on it, on the lives of others that had to forge the path themselves. It’s not easy, and they too went through bouts of wanting to quit. But they kept going. This ensues the tying of everything you have learned. The dreams I have written about in the last posts. Pulling from everything that I am, accepting everything that I am, how I am wired from my past life experiences, embracing all that I am, understanding that my weaknesses are also my strengths. That above all authenticity is vital for this road I chose to walk. Because I am going against social norms, I am challenging the facades the majority of people wear. That’s the way I am wired, and the electrical current that runs through my wires affects, and ripples. Not just me people, this is you too. That in every choice I have made through my life, it’s always been me walking the line, playing with fire, being defiant against unjust authority, embracing my dark as well as my light in a world that wants to hide the dark. Because of an understanding that I have that you need both dark and light for your system to run properly. Yin Yang = Harmony. You can see this in the individuals you sit and chat with. 

More laughter, love, compassion and understanding comes from those that take full accountability for their darkness; their mistakes. The key is to learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward. Not wallow in shame, embarrassment, fear, anger, resentment, etc. This causes one to become senile, mean, bitter, nasty, etc. So forgive others and yourself, Love others and yourself, set boundaries for yourself. This is self-love. Respect others' boundaries. Cherish the authentic people in your life, they are rare. Trust your instincts, stop giving people the benefit of doubt. Remember that the “doubt” is to be YOUR benefit not theirs, because the doubt is your warning. So stop giving that shit away. 

So, as my son challenges me as he normally does, and the other moments of insightful tid bits that have come in. To keep the promises, I have made to myself, and to others. Especially with what my youngest said to me on the ride home from the grocery store last night. “Mom, I want you to finish this, because I don’t want to know the version of you who didn’t, plus you’re finishing what grandma couldn’t so if you don’t finish I will have to, and I have my life planned out.” Bam, another yank on the hook in your heart pulling you to the books, to the highway. Yep better move with the yank of that hook, or your heart is going to be ripped from your chest, and zombie in the rat race you shall be.