Jen? Who the Fuck is Jen

In a way, I’ve been asking myself that all my life. I’ve been many things throughout my life. I’m currently embodying multiple things now. Mom, Wife, Friend, Employee, Member of the best group of people on earth (Clearview Works), Artist, Crafter, Seeker of Knowledge, and many, many more. No matter what I’m being at the moment, I am always trying to be my most complete self. I often think of the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, a stuffed animal who longs to become Real. That’s what I want. I want to be so Real that it’s stunning to be in my presence. I’m starting to suspect that this desire is on the level with a Buddhist’s desire to reach Nirvana. I’m not religious. The closest I am to religious is animism; a philosophy that everything is alive in its own way. I’m always looking for ways to be more Real. 

Now, as I’m blathering on about Realness and generalities, you might be wondering what this has to do with Clearview Works. Since shortly after entering the workforce, I decided that I needed to do work that matters, even if it only matters to me. Since then, I’ve driven a school bus, worked at an assisted living center, worked at a funeral home, and now I’ve reached my personal peak working in a public library. 

Then I went to a meeting/presentation by Lalenya and Chick about this thing they were doing: the Freedom Run and the nonprofit: Clearview Works. After taking lots of notes and jotting down ideas, I figured that it would be a good thing for Pete (the Husband, and other half of the Media Team) to work on, preparing for being able to work again (that’s his story to tell, if he chooses to do so). What I didn’t realize yet was I had entered hyper fixation mode, which was best harnessed by building a website, helping develop this nonprofit thing, and basically taking over the whole Media experience. Pete helps, probably more than he thinks he does, and by now we’re basically even with each other in terms of the Media team. 

The website has quickly become my very colicky baby (mostly due to the tense relationship I have with Wix). I have reaffirmed my knowledge that I suck at social media, something that Pete excels at (don’t let him tell you otherwise). I get to stretch my literary muscles by editing (lightly, oh so lightly) the blog posts. I get to play with design and color, verbiage and style, and basically do all the stuff I feel adept at. 

Note the usage of “I get”. I get to play with my various talents and skills, while doing something that seriously matters. I knew about the greenhouse and healing center while working with Lalenya at the funeral home and while developing our friendship. I didn’t know I was going to be a part of its development. 

I’m honored to be a part of Clearview Works. If nothing else, it’s given me a found family I didn’t know how badly I needed. It’s giving me the opportunity to use my education (psychology), my animism, and my need to gather more and more knowledge in order to do something that truly matters: helping my fellow survivors of trauma and abuse. 

What could be better than that?