I Hate It When That happens

Gif source: Wix

I managed to not smoke when I got up. Stayed busy until it was time to leave the house to go to the bank and so Alice and I could get a manicure and pedicure. I didn’t take any smokes with me. But, I wasn’t really happy about the whole thing. My brain was at war -- a big-time temper tantrum. As the day progressed so did that crazy war about whether I was going to smoke or not. My general attitude was “Fuck the world.” What really burned me though was the fact that everybody was so goddamn nice. It didn’t take Alice long to say, “ boy, you’re in a mood.” Fortunately she knows me pretty good and just gives me crap and makes me laugh.

I got done with my nails shortly before Alice and walked over to tell her I was heading out to the truck. Then she has to be nice…she asked me how I was doing. Instant tears in my eyes. So on my way out, I’m debating whether I should head over to the store and buy some smokes before she gets done. I get to the truck and remember that I had stored a half cigarette in the center counsel a few months ago. I decided I could just smoke that and maybe not buy a pack. So I got the cig out and then realized I hadn’t brought my lighter either. Tell you what, I tore that truck apart, figuring there had to be a lighter someplace. Found it! Smoked it! It was so stale it didn’t taste like much, but it settled my brain for a moment.

At home, I smoked 2 more over the afternoon, but my attitude didn’t change much. Fortunately for him, my husband kept a low profile, so I couldn’t yell at him. So I just sat with myself and the war in my brain. Later that evening I went to get him a burger. As I was driving , I had my music cranked and was hating on the world. I get to the drive-through and the teenage girls at the window were so cheerful, smiling and nice and didn’t give me a chance to be the crabby person I felt like. Damn, I hate it when that happens. On the way home, I had to finally laugh at myself and tell me to just get over it.

A total of 5 cigarettes for the day, but I’ll keep on trying.