From Womb to Tomb

There are times in our lives when we need assistance on our healing journeys. For some of us this is one of the hardest things to ask or reach for. Our hyper-independence is reinforced by our hyper-vigilance. Asking for help is almost as painful as some of the trauma we have lived. If you have been reading my previous blogs you should have connected a few dots on my core beliefs, values, and spiritual experiences. My core beliefs have been hard-wired in since conception. There were a couple decades of losing myself on the walks of numbness in the dark due to the past, but nonetheless they were found and regained. Most of my healing journey has only reinforced my core beliefs, and to learn to stand in confidence. A hard task when I was taught by perpetrators that I am crazy, that I should shut my mouth, to stay down through beatings riddled with their mouth vomits of. “It would stop if you just stayed down”, “I wouldn’t hit you if you just shut your mouth”, “you’re crazy just like your mother”, “You’re crazy”, and so on and so forth. 

Have I stepped back and considered their words? Oh sure. I am huge on learning from my own mistakes, and taking accountability.  Should I have kept my mouth shut? Should I have stayed down? Should I have not muttered words of “I don’t get wet because of how you treat me outside of the bedroom”, through spitting blood out my mouth while pushing myself up off the ground, standing, raising my chin, tears pouring and looking them in the eye? Standing my ground because what they were doing was wrong. Is this because during my mother’s beatings I was forced, whether being grabbed by the arm, or a handful of hair to stand up and take what’s coming to me? Was it my mother crying staring out a window smoking her cigarette after 3 days of silence after one of the worst beatings I ever took from her, turning to look me straight in the eye while sobbingly saying while pointing the curse finger (which was never used in our house) “You defend yourself ALWAYS, even if it’s against me?”

Yeah, I know guys, people don’t like hearing or reading this shit. I get it. I do, but this is the world outside of your comfortable homes. The world in which we raise children without the tools to handle these situations. We collectively handicap our own children by not sharing our knowledge, lessons, and experience. By not giving them the tools to know what to do. Meaning we are making the mistake in shielding them when we should be teaching them to hold the shield. 

Now, I think most of you have gathered that on the spectrum of the “Fight or Flight”, I am without a doubt 100% all fight. Is this because of my mother releasing the power over me by what she said? There is that unspoken energetically blood bound knowledge that we bow, and honor our parents. With those words she released these chains to save me because what she understood about herself and how she could not stop. Accountability.

Now, as a woman in this “man’s world” standing toe to toe comes at a price. When the majority of the people elect leaders for our children to listen to the words “Grab em’ by the pussy”. I was honestly not shocked by the leader chosen. I am American Made after all. Plus, statistically speaking, biological fathers own the highest numbers for molesting their children, beating their wives/children, etc. Not man hating, just showing an example of like attracts like. Oh but women are part of this majority standing for the leader. Hmmm,  yes they are. Ever look into the stats for female perps? Yeah, not many people do. It’s okay. Considering how many stand by their man out of financial gains, fancy diamonds/purses, roofs over their head, fear, while turning the cheek to what their man is doing, because staying is easier than doing the right thing? This is what we do, turn the other cheek right? Regardless, it makes them guilty. Some even join in. Oh, you would be surprised. Just take a step back and look at all the evidence on the table. 

Questions to ask yourself is why is it okay to “grab em’ by the pussy” when they would NOT give the same respect to a woman standing toe to toe saying “Grab em’ by the balls.” When this only perpetuates the cycles of ownership in the patriarchy world we live in. Is this equal rights? Is this what we fought for?

Understand when you stand toe to toe with a man there are consequences as there is for every choice we make. Whether it be to run (flight) or fight there are consequences. I can only speak from the perspective of fight. For instance, simply scientifically speaking of the anatomy of male vs female. Men are much stronger. I know from experience I can take way more blows from a woman than I could a man, due to their physical structure. Men are stronger in the upper body as women are stronger in the lower half. This is why men were oppressed throughout history by so many governing parties. Stripping them of their purpose as sacred beings and their emotional/feminine sides to build and labor for the rich. (All beings must maintain both feminine and masculine energies for harmony. Yin Yang = Harmony) Then give men ownership of women through contracts to give them a sense of false power of being a King in their own homes, like the powerful (Powers that be) stripping them of loving queens to loving servants instead. Men over powering women physically to deplete them of their sacred power. Brilliant moves made by the elites to govern the uneducated people. Hide the truths, reconstruct the sacred knowledge passed from all the cultures, locking the truth in a vault. All for control. I am not saying let’s get crazy and do some stupid shit, remember we are learning and healing to NOT continuously repeat history. I am speaking on hard topics, and I guarantee I lost more than half my readers for “my mouth”, but it’s nothing I am not used to. Death wish maybe, nah been threatened so many times it’s like another notch in the belt, and I am not worried about where I am going. SO, how is this all relevant? Well, when you start going up the ancestral lineages in order to heal and understand where your bloodline gets their behaviors to get to the root of the problem, you start to realize the cause and effect. Everything is connected, the outer world reflecting the inner of each and every one of us. What we do now affects the future. 

One of my favorite quotes of all times from the Novel/Movie Cloud Atlas By: David Mitchell.

“Our lives are not our own. 

From womb to tomb,

We are bound to others, past and present. 

And by each crime and every kindness, 

We birth our future.” 

Sonmi-451

Every war, depression, slavery (across the board ALL colors have been slaves at some point in history), migration, famine, lack of resources, etc… ruled by the rich in whatever setting (all) govern, manipulate, omit sacred knowledge in order to turn us against each other. The falling of the Tower of Babel was caused by - fill in the blank, the 4 stone tablets of the 4 winds sent out so we could master our elements and come back together to teach each other, look at the time lines. We are given choices, to learn, and not repeat history, to listen to our hearts. Not to hang the true innocent healers on the cross not fighting the powers that be because it’s wrong. Yada yada, look into it, most won’t believe a word I say because it’s way too much info. Up to 3/4’s of my readers, gone now. I am just scratching the surface, trying to paint a fucking picture in laymen’s. Even in our small insignificant lives in comparison to the whole world, yet each of us being entirely significant to the whole big picture. In our lil’ lives it takes a team to heal. Not all can be done on your own. Whether it’s therapy of whatever other route resonates with you. For example going to Peru to do plant medicine by the folks that live in the jungles living one with the land, to going to a medicine man/woman, a shaman, to learning the power of NO, to learning Self Defense to learn situational awareness and how NOT to get yourself into situations, spending time in the wilderness, meditating, Energy healing, Massages, shit sometimes a nice bubble bath, book, and bottle of wine, self help books, and omg so so much more. There is always some other person that has to spend their life dedicated to that mission. To get that degree, to get hands on, to learning herbs, and so much more. Healing is not an alone game. Sitting with other survivors, listening to their stories to humble yourself, to help you not feel alone in your darkness. You have to make the choice to get out of your so-called hell. And I know, just as well as god/universe knows where most who lived a life similar to mine, (someone having it worse doesn’t matter here) know the hell you live in. 

You have to make the choice to get back up. To take help. To learn and understand why we fell into that pattern and abuse cycles, whether we became the perp or the victim. Everyone is worthy of healing and living a better life, but you have to make the choice, and will have to accept the help. Some shit is just too heavy, and we can get so weighed down in the weight of the muck that we need a hand out. It’s okay to accept help. 

Lyrics from NF “If you want love, you gon’ have to go through the pain. If you want love, you gon’ have to learn how to change. If you want trust, you gon’ have to give some away.”

For the woman. I understand all the woman I truly fucking do. I feel this shit deeply from the soul. I understand the fight for women's rights, but it’s already been done. Talk to your elders, they will tell you all about their fights. However, in this world if we expect change we too must change. Stop expecting to be shielded and learn to wield yours. Tap into that ancestral knowledge. Every color before the oppression of women. Tap in ladies. This is taking accountability for ourselves, whilst raising the bar. Rise of the feminine right. That’s the whispers of the wind these days. There are phenomenal stories of woman all the way back in every culture, every single fucking magical color before patriarchy. Tap into your ancestral knowledge. When we were equals. The key word equals love. Men will step up and into their sacred power when we rise; it's part of the sacredness of their very being. It’s already happening, look around, men are stepping into so many healing circles. Stop seeing through the eyes of fire. Give them the grace they too deserve. How many went off to war all for their families, etc etc etc. And Fuck, I know god I fucking know. I cry as I type this. I know and feel your rage. I’ve been there deep in the pits of hell deep. But we have to be the woman that men would go to war with. Side by side. With a fuck yeah I would. Develop your self respect and self worth, break from the chains of oppression out of love not in haste. Because haste only causes waste. Understand in your oppression they were equally oppressed. Educate on how to use your own intuition so you are confident in it when it speaks to you. Utilizing it is a sacred tool given to women. Stop disgracing yourself and our creator by not developing these gifts. Differentiate the boys from the men. Men will honor and respect a woman that stands toe to toe with them; they will recognize the queen in you. Boys will not, they will beat you down for it. They will try to take your power, but ladies *shakes curse finger with a tisk tisk, you do not meet them with haste. You honor and respect, because they are sacred beings as well. Namaste people namaste. Arm your children with the tools they need to be survivors in this world or you are guilty of handicapping them. Again don’t shield them, teach them to wield their own. We as women have to acknowledge the world we live in today, for the future, don’t worry about the boys knowing your weaknesses, they are too busy concentrating on those to see the strengths. Build your strengths, know your weaknesses to use that shield for and build my queens FUCKING BUILD YOURSELVES accepting help. And if all else fails as my Krav Maga Instructor would say “Kick them in the balls.” Fuck I hate that I have to say this, but the ones that try to beat you down, you know the boys. As cheesy gross or what the fuck ever. Don’t just haul off and kick a man in the balls for offending you. Again they TOO ARE SACRED BEINGS that carry the seeds of life, or so help me god I will start handling the guilty woman. Honor and respect men vs women, white vs black and everything in between. Learn about other cultures with honor and respect. Learn, see, connect and be free.