Accepting Brain Re-wiring

“Are you always working?” Asked one of my regs today. I just laughed and said “You have no idea.” Almost a couple decades ago an ol’ circle of friends used to call me “slave driver”. (Don’t be a dumb fuck and make this about racism.) This is because I was always doing something, and in order to hang out, you may have been roped into some kinda of work or had to deal with me working while you visited. I never truly demanded someone work. And the nickname was used in jest. Workaholic, meh. I suppose I could fit into this category. Along with a few others. Determined, goal oriented, one track mind. Now in all honesty. If we dig into this. Where I came from. It has almost everything to do with the trauma I experienced causing C-PTSD, which re-wires the brain, and is therefore completely active at all times. Defense mechanisms created for survival. The need to always be doing something because I can’t sit still, feel worthless unless I am productive. Could be how I was raised, something always going, always chaos.

Now it’s a matter of perspective on whether or not one chooses to fight the changes or embrace them. I chose to embrace them. I understand that many things have affected my way of doing things in life. I am not like the norm. Whatever that is anymore. I honestly think “the norm” is some made up text book definition written and put in a white coat's book to make it “official” in order to control the masses. Part of the dumbin’ down of the people to make good lil’ economic slaves.

Meh it’s fine. Yeah, digging too deep… yank yank. To the point. You can either dwell on the fact that you are not the same as you used to be. You can keep fighting what is, trying to constantly be something you’re not, what they want and think you need to be. In the constraints of the golden handcuffs of society’s norms/rules. Or you can utilize what you have become at the hands of others, learn, and become grateful for the wrong done, and see it as a gift/lessons. That everything was handpicked, and particularly crafted for your path/journey to knowing your inner self. Tapping into inner strengths that can only be crafted and forged in the dark soul hell fires of the pain of the life you have lived through. They say life is what you make it. I truly have embraced this at all costs. It is one of the many things I clung to when I had nothing left to cling to. Majority of people don’t know how I survived what I have, and I am trying to show you. It’s a choice. It’s your choice. No one else’s. The worst part for a majority of people is the fact that we have been conditioned to be dependent, lazy and reliant on instant gratification. That people quit before they make much ground in their, shrugs, journey, yet we must respect their choices.