Should I Try to Work it Out?

Should I Try to Work it Out? by Alan J. Hawkins, Tamara A. Fackrell, and Steven M. Harris. Book Review written by Alice (aka: Lalenya)

First, off team is working on a book club idea which I think is amazing. I am excited about this. However, team wants my take on a few book reviews, so I am giving it a shot, but I have a lot of books I am reading pertaining to education in some shape way or form and I’ll tell you what.

The first ten pages, and I am like okay, and for fuck's sake. Are you fucking shitten me? This was written by 3 experts. Okay I get it for that demographic, but this is my assigned “homework” to help me make a kinda big decision. Well, I am like thinking hmmm I could write my thoughts on this book. Because I don’t have time for my leisure books these days.

But the only way I can think to actually write the review is explaining how I would draw a comic.

This is my review in how I SEE what I am getting myself into in the first ten pages.

-Comic Style

-Black and white (not much contrast)

-Bedroom

-Man & Woman in Good ol' Missionary position

Man lean, clean cut, lil pumper

Woman long beautiful hair, looking past him at her diamond on her finger.

Saying “ohh” “ohh” out loud with a bubble above her head (demonstrating that she is thinking. “For the taxpayers.”)

Because in the midst of making a decision on something sacred, something that has blood, sweat, and tears invested for years upon years. Fighting battles no one could ever dream of, and just being to wore out to keep trying, you must consider the effects your divorce will have on the community and the taxpayers. Not your soul, heart, and spirit. A decision that will affect much more sacred things. I understand the facts about divorce being a leading cause to poverty for children and woman, but if maybe divorces didn’t concentrate on the financial loss, gains, so on and so forth views about marriage and divorce could change.

If you are in a marriage. It is not about the money. It’s about loving each other in cardboard boxes and sitting up in the cold with your coffee freezing, using newspapers to keep warm, warming each others hands to keep warm while, strategizing, coming up with solutions, and BOTH keeping their end of the bargain. It’s about finally sitting in what you planned 2 years ago, 5 years, ago, on and on. It’s about showing up for each other. For good and bad. Even divorce. Bow out with grace, integrity, dignity, respect, and common fucking courtesy. Common fucking curiosity for how what you do to the other affects the life they can provide for themselves and their children if children are involved.

Easier said then done, but when I am sitting here reading an expert's book, 3 mind you. This is how we are being educated. Why not the couple staying in mediation until the make a decision and resolve calmer and fairly. If it’s nasty, they keep going til eventually they learn to communicate. Whist requiring an education in cause and effects to the children if they be actin’ a fool up in mediation.

I mean this would curve the gold digger epidemic as well.

Same rules for everyone, money doesn’t get to keep buying you get out of jail cards, and endless intimidation tactics.

Kids get better co-parents,

Adults can be happy staying together and working it out or divorcing.

No one is trying to take what their spouse built because they’re guilty by compliance.

But I don’t give a fuck about material things because I've started over so many times y'all's head would spin. I am happy and can make a home out of anything.

LMFAO, who am I kidding people love the fight more, and being a better person means change, and taking accountability. So I suppose. It doesn’t matter,

Make America Great Again!

For the taxpayers.

Okay that was a few chapters in. I read the whole damn book, and got through all the exercises.

I do believe this is an excellent lil rift of knowledge for the first time divorcees. A lot of it for me was a brush up on things I already knew. Having 2 divorces and a “potential” under the belt.

I do not believe this book is suited for a woman in her 40’s. That is stepping into the perimenopause phase of “fuck it”. I am not concerned about financial loss or gains. I have never been a gold digger. I can proudly say that. Maybe I should have been in the last divorce but that’s old news and water under the bridge.

I did learn a lot of new statistics. That I do in-fact think a lot of people should seriously consider. Like not everyone is happy after divorce and end up having many regrets. For me I am not a regret type. I prefer learning and taking the lesson out of it instead of wallowing in my room for days on end wondering why life isn’t fair, because I got shit to do.

The book doesn’t touch much on empty nesters. What happens in marriage after the kids have grown and you’re sitting there wondering who the fuck is sitting next to you and how long have they been there. However there are plenty of other books written about that subject, so just keep researching and reading.

The foot notes after every chapter were a bit relentless, and the mind set and morals do definitely come out in the book.

Based off studies out of Minnesota, where I am residing. University of MN did develop “Discernment Couples Therapy.”  My wife and I are utilizing this method, and so far I am happy with the techniques. It is tailored for couples that have one that is undecided and the other one wants to work it out. To see if they can come to an agreement of some sort before moving forward with something that would just waste time in the long run.

I believe if you are new to divorce. Lost and don’t know what to do, with children at home. This is an absolute fountain of knowledge and may help some come to terms with a lot of questions that have been asking in their secret thinking times.

For a seasoned divorcee. A good read for a few stats you didn’t know, and some think tank juice but I feel more could be provided education wise. Though I was still able to take some good out of it. It does have valid points. I am just at a different place in my life.

Thanks

Alice