Untitled Raw Thoughts

The ride is getting closer and closer. 297 Days to be exact but who's counting. This summer is filled with so many events to attend. Getting in as much riding as possible to make up for being so green. Technically I have less than 7 months riding experience on the roads. Being so “ambitious” and all taking something like this on, but here we are taking it on anyway. Don’t have time for fear only do, do, and doing.

Been an interesting year. Like the universe aka: God is putting everything on the table that I need to work through and let go of. Just got back from a long ride spreading my mothers and fathers ashes. Feel I actually got time to mourn properly.

Still lost and confused about my home life. Though more and more I am settling with departing for 2+ years knowing my kids will be okay while I am on the road, and maybe that’s all I need. The rest is up in the air. So, just walking my walk of it is what the fuck it is.

Sold my Honda for $100 a month for 24 months to ensure an income on the road, so that puts me up to $400 a month for food, camping fees and toiletries a month while I'm on the road (as long as fuel stays under $5 a gallon, but still a bit of relief there. Using bar shampoo/conditioner that I have already been stocking and have a year's worth and will have another year's worth by the time I leave, so that’s helpful.

Giving up is still not in me, though these days since day one of this year I swear I am being tested on so many levels….. I am soul and spirit tired right now. Lost and confused in so many aspects yet have more clarity than I have ever known. Knowing I have to do this ride no matter what happens. So, get the fuck back up Lalenya aka: Alice, seems to be the moral of my 2026 story.

I am excited for the road ahead. I am excited for the farms I will be volunteering on. The vast amount of diverse people I will be meeting. Being outdoors. Getting Dirty. Eating god knows what but I am already so grateful to be invited to sit at another’s table and eat a meal. Learning hands on. Riding a motorcycle for 2 years. Knowing there will be fights and lessons learned there. Being grateful and joyful about the hard life I lived.

Thanking my mother for raising a soldier in this world instead of another pussy. But sometimes feeling drops head and shakes side to side “Just fuck… Ma you did me dirty, but tips hat, You’d be proud of the Woman I am” Winks on the head lift with a tear and a smirk.

This is the type of mourning that came spreading Your ashes. Loving You through your Grit and My own earned grit as well. This life of daughter to you was hard but I'd do it again.

Thanking my father for abandoning me. Prepping me for the road ahead. Ones who chase their dreams and make them happen have to be used to people walking away all the time.

I learned a lot from your absence. Left a lot of damage. I was beat and abandoned for merely looking like you. What it made all of your victims remember when looking at me. Yes, father I paid for it. I didn’t spread you in a sacred manner for your soul. I flat out fucking dumped them for the sacredness of my living soul. Down a trash can for what you did to ma, a men’s outdoor out-house for them then marched my ass to the woman’s and dumped some more for the rest of them. Then left part of you in the urn sealed and made the best fucking throw of my lifetime off the highest cliff towards a large cave for ME you mother fucker, so part of you will be stuck somewhere for 10 thousand years. To have to be chained to serving others til another sets you free because you finally grew into a kind soul. I genuine in a bottled your fucking ass. Til you learn you will not be whole. Still cried for your sick ass, Father. Beatin' my chest because fuck I still love but fuck you for putting me in a position to even think like this and mourn like this because of the awful absolutely fuckin’ awful things you did. And let’s hope your daughter's lil witchy wishes don’t come true for ya huh? Hahaha

Lot’s of things happened last month, and frankly I am still recovering. Processing and trying to get back up but there was so much good in it. It’s in there, just pulling it out of the muck of life.

I am excited for the farms and everything I will learn from them hoping that though I am only there to help 5-7 days per state that I am elevating the farms and the farmers just a hair more than when I got/get there. Knowing the days ahead for all of us coming. SO many rivers, reservoirs, and lakes going dry. I fear for the future of agriculture. Fear because there are so many folks with blinders on. I am Hoping I am actually doing something that will actually help even if it’s a tiny bit, but enough to inspire others, because lord knows it’s going to take more than just me and the small amount of people already doing what they can. The insects/bugs haven’t been the same for a couple years and so many in the farming/agriculture communities are talking about it. Praying and hoping that everything I am doing will actually fucking work so I can contribute not just to helping others heal but actively healing the earth whilst helping others heal. I don’t think people know what it’s like to starve or they would see what's coming. I have traveled so much between the states in the last few years, well my whole life, but I can see the changes. Part of me fears to see the rest of the USA. How my heart will ache. Lands dying that were so vibrant when I was a child. The people that will be affected in the masses. No matter what color we are no mater what whatever title we are or have. I also know I will see beauty and find hope and more like myself. I know I will meet others that are already established and hopefully I have something that will help them. Elevate each other. Elevate the Planets and all its inhabitants. Hoping the Aliens if they are real that they man up take their masks off and show us how to fix this. I mean hell pussies the LGBTQ+’s came out of the closet before y'all did. I just pray what ever the hell I am about to do helps move something in a good direction. Get people to stop being a bunch of sissy la la bed wetters. Inspire them to get off their electronics, their asses and I dunno go pick up trash off the beaches for a day, hike and pick up trash, plant some fruit bearing trees/shrubs/bushes, Volunteer on a local farm, Raise Happy Healthy Bees. Grow your own food, Plant bamboo around data centers, throw seeds in random places, I dunno like Give reasons for rain maybe. Fight for land and water rights for the natives because honestly they take better care of it anyway. Duh twirls hair. Maybe the witches and tribal folk could gang up on the folks having rituals using children for despicable things. If their magic works then by god yours does too.

I mean I figure with CERN opening portals and shit, and aliens are real and so is all the Politicians being pedos, that dragons and giants are real, we live on a flat earth in a matrix dome, then Giants needs to come of hiding too, dragons come out come out where ever you are. I figure maybe y'all could all get together just all come out at the same time. Then we have a lil pow wow. I got a whole plan. Hear me out though. I want the Natives to be the leaders. The ones that still remain true to the land. I will bow to their leadership in manner of governing, however I am proud just as much as they are proud. So all am saying is fuck the British, I am with the Peasants, they shall have my sword. Only if they truly take the steps to fix this planet with love and compassion for all the others that just want the same fucking thing. Because not just our lives but LIFE in general all fucking matters. Don’t question my patriotism. I am for the people of the WHOLE mother fucking USA. We share all this land with so many diverse cultures, colors, types, etc. I am for all. It takes all. We all play our fucking parts no matter what the part is. It’s all I mean IT'S COMPLETLY 100% all fucking VITAL to this land. We are going to have to start the fuck over though who am I kidding. I have a lot of faith in the people yet I don’t. It will come down to the survival of the fittest. This way of life ain’t it.

Shit guys, this is a good bye letter. Just hit me. Because this is a stream of seconds in my brain. Speaking and typing and communicating is the long drawn out painful human process. Yes, I am up there in the words of text letting go, and day dreaming that it’s all real. I am a problem solver. I am going to go out into the world to fight all this in my way. Doing my part. Following my pull. To help elevate. Volunteering. Giving. Learning. I can’t do it hanging on to everyone. 2026 I said it before. Like I am meant to let go… Fuck y'all just witnessed the sledge hammer.  Light bulb. Gross. I should dump this blog. But, fuck it. What is anyone gunna do. Call me names, tell people I'm crazy. Yeah, yank yank *splat.

Thanks Mom and Dad, Goodbye June, and Future aww who cares I’m living in the motha fuckin’ now.

Much love and gratitude.

Alice the Rabbit wHole.