Say What?

Energy Healing?

Since getting involved with Clearview Works I’ve discovered a whole new world of healing. I’ve been aware that there were many non-traditional/alternative healing modalities besides the 12-step program, followed by a desire to grow and traditional therapy. But kind of like my early beliefs in God,  yeah they exist, but I don’t get what they could do for me.  Over the past months as I struggled to manage my chronic pain, I accidentally stumbled onto the ability to actually calm my pain at night when I was trying to get to sleep.  I’m not real sure I can actually describe it, but I’ll give it a shot.  I had learned the value of pressure release of the pain knots through physical therapy and often would do it myself with my knuckles as best I could as I lay in bed.  When it works, I can actually feel the nerve path in my back or down my legs relaxing as I release the knot.  But eventually my knuckles say enough.  As I laid there with my eyes closed and concentrated on that nerve path, it continued to relax and the pain kept diminishing and the colors and patterns inside my eyelids slowly moved from chaotic to peaceful. Interesting.   I didn’t know I could do that.  Somehow I had focused my body’s own natural healing abilities into where I needed them most at the moment.  Not a magic cure by any means.  But, man, enough relief to allow me to drift into sleep.  It intrigued me.  I’ve heard about energy healing, but didn’t understand it, maybe I should check into this a bit deeper.

I talked about my experience with Qoya dance in an earlier blog post.  That was my first step into this world and I was truly amazed at what the combination of music and freedom of movement did for my soul.  It took me even deeper into the healing that music always does for me.  I guess it’s all about what resonates with you.  Music and dance resonated with me.  Alice chose wisely when she invited me to participate in the Qoya class.  She observes (all the time, lol) and knew music hits my soul and we often would burst in some semblance of dance whether we were standing or driving down the road when a particular song hit our dance bone.

I’ve come to believe over time that our healing paths can take many different directions for each of us.  As individuals in this whole big world, what makes us or attempts to break us is unique to each of us.  As such, what works for one may not work for another.  It comes down to intention and an open mind.  And, quite frankly, that is kind of how I operate in my world.  I am mostly a rule-follower (so I think), but only if the rules make sense inside of me.  If they don’t, following the rules is up for grabs.  My healing journey and the journeys I witnessed others take has taken that to a whole new level of understanding of that if it resonates and works, who I am I judge?  For myself, I go with it.

So here I go.  I really valued my Qoya experience and the energy of the instructor and wanted to explore it more.  Between the experience I had had with calming my nerve pain and the spiritual and emotional experience of the Qoya dance, I wanted more (What else is new?  That’s how I tend to operate.  If some is good, more is better). Sometimes that philosophy got me into trouble, but I still gotta go with it.  I followed up with the instructor and asked for a private session with her.  She is a Master Reiki healer. I wasn’t really sure what that was, but I was compelled to explore.  We spent some time that first session just talking about what brought me there and what this was all about.  Now I’m not really the one to explain what and how Reiki works, but I can tell you there is something to this energy healing thing.  I didn’t “feel” anything physically happening in my body, I just laid there relaxed and open to whatever happens.  But, when it was time to get up and head out, I somehow had found my center and didn’t even lose it in the rush hour traffic through the city as I headed back home.  Now, anybody who has ridden with me, knows that I am a rather aggressive driver and can lose my cool at any moment with stupid drivers.  Most won’t believe I drove an hour in that traffic with only one “What the Fuck!”  I also noticed some relief from the pain.  It didn’t really go away, but subsided to a level I could deal with.  The calm lasted into the next day or so, the pain relief a few more days.  But, left to my own devices, eventually my thoughts and or physical activity brought some of it back.

Another interesting thing though, I was actually able to take what I gained in those experiences and actually apply it into events in my life.  For example, last week was a tough one for me.  May 20 would have been our 37th anniversary.  On May 19, I got up, did my usual energy drink run (in my jammies), cried the entire way, got home and cried some more as I finished my drink and had a couple smokes.  I realized I was deep in grief and decided I was opting out for the day.  If it hurst this bad, I just need to feel it, walk through it and get to the other side. I went inside, turned off the ringer on my phone and spent the next 3-4 hours crying and dozing.  I was woke up by a call from Alice (still trying to figure out how that happened, I swear I turned that ringer off) asking me if I was able to drive (translation…have you smoked today?).  I said yep, haven’t been smoking anything, just crying and sleeping.  She asked if I could go straight to the vet and be with her family (she was working on a Wwoof Farm 4 hours away) and their family dog had had a heart attack and had to be put down.  I threw on some clothes and drove straight there and sat with them as their dog passed with Alice on FaceTime.  It was a bit tough as I flashed back to being at my son’s bedside as he took his last breaths, and then another flashback to when my husband died, I went to see him and didn’t know how to leave the room after I said my goodbyes.  Quite frankly two experiences I don’t really care to re-live, but here I was.  But, after I got home and sat in my truck for awhile smoking and listening to my music, I realized that my grief had now turned into love again (like I experienced in Qoya) and the very real pain I had been experiencing all day was gone.  The next day I headed up North to help out Alice’s uncle, since her schedule had prevented her from getting up there, ended up going over to my mom’s afterwards and was able to take her to her Dr. appointment in addition to just getting sweet time with my mom.  During this whole time I just felt good about what I was doing and the fact that being there for others with love fed my soul was a bonus. I wasn’t focused on what I lost, but what I could do for others. The grief doesn’t really go away, but when it’s layered with love, it just doesn’t hurt so bad and I can move forward a little easier.  That’s all that’s really necessary for me.

The thing I’m really grateful for, in spite of the physical and emotional pain I’ve experienced in the last 3-4 years, is the gift of love for myself and others that I’ve been given.  It’s changed a lot of the relationships in my life (mostly for the better, some had to be let go) and I’m feeling a whole lot stronger in who I am.  I like this, I think I keep working on it.

Love and Peace,

Chick