(Not) Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

No man, but the coolest purse ever and a pair of riding jeans. Life is good.

This afternoon I attended a biker party being held by a local chapter of a national group dedicated to biker safety and education for bikers and the public.  I’ve attended some of their events in the past and am starting to actively participate in their events this year.  I don’t know many people yet and was going alone so I wasn’t quite sure how it would go.  Well, I had a blast.

I met a lot of people (I’ll never remember their names).  There were vendors, food, and an auction of donated items.  As I previewed the items for auction, I was very disappointed that there was hardly anything I could be interested in.  When you’re selling everything off and hitting the road in just over a year, buying things for the house or beautifully handcrafted blankets just aren’t practical.  But, then I found the buy of the century for me.  A pair of 501 jeans that were small enough and long enough for riding. A rare find for me.  It was a live auction, so I got a card for bidding.  It was also the first time I participated in a live auction.  It was a lot of fun and I got my jeans.

Meanwhile I shopped the vendors and talked.  As Alice will tell you, I will talk to anyone and everyone.  I’m not really good at small talk in a formal situation, but one on one, I will just say whatever is on my mind to whoever is nearby.  And, I can talk about motorcycles, riding, etc. all day if you get me started.  I was wearing my Chick and Alice t-shirt so when anyone asked my name, I pointed out my shirt and introduced myself as Chick.  I got to talk a lot about our 50-state ride.  Everyone’s reaction was really cool.  A couple times, as I was standing talking to someone, another person would stop and say “did you know she doing a 2 year 50-state ride?”  People were really impressed by what we were doing.  I also found the perfect purse for the trip.  Made out of recycled leather and matches my bike perfectly.  I didn’t even look at the price, just pulled it off the rack and said this is mine.

OK, so this post is not really about what I did at the party but the thoughts I had later on at home as I was sitting and reflecting on the day.  Thus, the title.

Per usual at a biker party, it is predominantly men, but there are more single women riders now, not just wives or girlfriends.  If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know I’m partial to talking to the guys; it tends to be easier to open a conversation than with other women.  Wives and girlfriends tend to be a little protective when you’re talking to their man and less open to participating in the conversation.  I did talk to quite a few women also this time, but felt that reticence from some of them.  I’ve experienced this many times before when I attend events on my own.  If they only knew.  At my age and stage of life, I am absolutely not looking for love anywhere.  Most of my friends my age feel the same way.  After years of being married and raising a family, now that we’re alone, we like it that way.  We have a lot of fun together and don’t feel the need to get involved in a relationship.

Although I’m still married to the love of my life, he is essentially gone and in memory care.  He’s pretty convinced there must be another man (or woman) in my life and that’s why he’s there because I’m moving on.  I’m here to tell you, I’m not moving on to another relationship.  He is the love of my life and we’ve been together over 41 years.  I don’t need another “love” to complete my life.  It’s time for me to move on, but I’m moving on with the knowledge that I was completely loved (and loved him) for most of my life and I don’t need another love.  And, quite frankly, I’m liking living alone and doing my own thing.  I’m not interested in compromise and consideration of another person and the work that goes into a successful partnership over time.  Just let me be.  I’m no threat to anyone.  I just want to ride and spend time with friends.  Besides, at my age, I am reminded of a comment made by a 72 year old woman that was still dating and looking for love.  She said “all they want is a nurse and a purse.”  There’s a lot of truth to that in your 60’s and 70’s.  I’m not interested in taking care of an aging man and I worked hard for my money.  It’s mine and I’m not spending it on someone else.

For the first time in 50 years, there is nobody left to take care of.  My sons are doing their thing, my husband is essentially gone and it’s just me.  I am feeling the freedom I craved so desperately back in my 20’s and am going to hold on to that.  I made my choices then to love and have a family.  Been there, done that.  Now, it’s time for me to fly.  I recently heard a song on the radio from the time after my second divorce.  It spoke to me then and speaks even more to me now.  “Nobody’s going to break my stride, Nobody’s gonna slow me down, Oh no, I got to keep on moving.”

I’m not mourning the end of life as I knew it (been there, doing that for the last three years), but looking forward to my next journey in life.  I don’t feel the need to create another happy home.  I really, really don’t want that.  In our Saturday Shenanigans, Alice answered the question of the one word that describes me as free-spirited.  That has always been truly me on the inside and now I am no longer bound by the traditions of work, home and family. It’s time to let that free spirit run.  And, it’s itching to ride.  I better get the tabs for my bike because soon there is going to be that first nice day where you have to take the bike out regardless.

Meanwhile, I’m going to Florida for a week to spend time with a friend and the beach.  Taking some time out to relax and heal and start walking where it’s warm.  Then I’ll be back, preparing for the ride.

Ride on!

Love and Peace

Chick