Winging It

The most recent board meeting I found myself needing to reflect on a few things in life.

Not that this is anything new for me but from what my team had to say.

It went in line with everything else I got going on.

They figured with all the time I have had off, that I needed to give an

update, and let people know I am alive, so here I am still breathing still typing. They also agreed that I need to stop holding back and beating around the bush.

Now in a way because of my history alone - not anything that my team has done but the insecurity sinks in. When I open my mouth - due to the passion and intensity people… squirm. Then disappear. This is for many reasons but nonetheless it still happens which fed and reinforced the abandonment wounds amongst others. Also the ones in the past that reassured me that I was safe to speak my mind then used  it against me in a manner that was far more twisted by what they crafted it into. To set me up for failure by exposing my vulnerabilities.

On the other hand as I battle those lil demons (metaphorical, don’t be dumb).

There is the constant pull to keep going and I feel the bubble of word vomit like never before welling up in my chest and I know what's coming. I see and watch the world events, “doom scrolling” and know that I didn’t go through everything I did just for self growth but was made and built to open my mouth. To add my voice to the others. To speak out on what I have learned while I was on the inside. Knowing it wasn’t time then but it’s time now.

This goes in line with my astrology charts, numerology, Chinese Zodiac, Blood Type. Double Pisces Rising Sagittarius, Life Path #9, Wood Ox, O+, so on and so forth.

I mean honestly with everything coming out these days then here I am sitting worried about censoring myself. Having my kids and all your kids seeing as the lies unfold while conspiracy theorists gain momentum in the truth sector. It is devastating and disgusting to say the LEAST. At the same time alleviating that people are opening their eyes and there is a new crazy in town.

I am trying to help people by talking and speaking on my own experiences and life lessons from being a victim knowing the ones oppressed are not allowed to speak out. Me being oppressed in my own life’s fashion and refusing to be as I stand and break the chains. For example … “they” Like us to say grape instead of…. Say SA instead of…. Y'all get the point. My life pattern and survival skills attained show how victims are silenced. The systems and people in place demonstrate it in every day court cases (for instance) to protect the guilty. The news and social media (who are the owners now?) are demonstrating it by posting everything there is - down to the rituals and feasts that make my trauma look like nothing but a grain of sand in an hour glass, learning the system is the fucking hour glass. Yes, my words are meant to provoke thoughts.

Anyone ask themselves while everything unfolds why are words censored and victims have to skirt around descriptive words that hold the magnitude of the crimes done to them while the guilty and the systems in power get to normalize their behavior so they can pull in more support from the like minded uneducated vanity seeking, kid selling/trafficking demographic? Wanting to take people out of their homes and away from their families because of “so-called crimes” while wanting their own crimes to be overlooked like the ol’ mighty king because of their right of “birth” giving the privilege by color of skin? The demographic of people that want to live in denial about what is going on and selling their soul for vanity and riches no matter the costs. He’s a good business man who cares what he does, because ‘haha I am doing it too’ type of folks. Oh, sell my kids to the cause sure I don’t like them anyway, the dark sides of being “American Made”.

Makes me wonder on the amount of children missing, what the percentage of parents that gave/sold their own kids to the feasting table to sacrifice for riches? I mean they supplied their farms and animals for sacrificial means…

How many did the same while hooting and hollering to get the colored criminals out of the country?

While the lacking of color still maintain the highest amount of statistics for majority of these crimes, yes yes we also have a color of runner ups. That’s clear in the files and photos coming out. So much to unpack here. Like what type of cultures were NOT in those circles?

Hmm it wasn’t the ones that are one with the earth instead of the books that were pounded over their heads while telling them they will be saved if they convert. Who would have thought by being “saved” they meant for dessert?

I would seriously start looking at the non-participants at those tables and notice how many of those cultures were pounded by a book re-written by man and their wealthy establishments to covert, divide and conquer. Hurry up before all the history is erased, use your discernment.

Why did they really hang that man on the cross, is everything he learned from the other cultures not what they wanted people to know? Ahhh yes what cultures taught Jesus to heal and walk on water, etc? Couldn’t be the ones they tried to convert through out our history. All those savages.

Keep digging before it all disappears. They already started the deletion process. Gulf of …. Yada yada.

I mean are these questions and thoughts that far fetched? Really?

How many people see what's going on in their own bloodlines and start reflecting on their own family history, and the amount of similar crimes in the blood line, and realize in order to heal this country we have to get to the root of the problems in our own homes. Because on the stage in which everything is being projected about all these crimes actually happen and start in people's homes. These crimes are reflections of what happens behind many closed doors. Like attracts like and people support crimes they are guilty of.

I also notice the pearl clutchers and the folk that run with pursed lips. Not wanting to talk about the things that are going on. Ignore it as if we can ignore this anymore. It’s in our faces where ever we all go. The crowd of folks that don’t want to give their energy to it because they want to stay positive and be unaffected. That’s a way of turning the other cheek, being complacent. The lesson is to sit, and alchemize. Do something good with what you have learned. Make changes in your personal life and pay it forward. Serve others. Doing nothing at this point in the “game” perpetuates the “demons” of the world to make themselves at home while showing their faces and continuing on with their rituals by permission given from the people's complacency.

Fuck, connecting the dots, process of elimination and cause and effect methods of thinking is so grade school why is this so hard for some folk? “Gotta love the uneducated.” Right? *shakes head in disappointment.

My point is if you obtain information from your life that can contribute to the betterment of human kind then stop sitting on it. Because what I have learned. I am tired of eating their food, because god knows what we all have been eating (each other? Shit is this world suffering from cases of mad cow?) so, really the idea of clean food and building a self sustaining green house to help others heal from past traumas is not that far fetched in my book.

And being that there are plenty of others out there that have something to offer to man kind. I say keep going, keep reaching because it’s needed more now than ever!

Amongst other things….

Let’s teach our children it’s not nice to eat our teammates….