Fuck No!

This is all about Alice, her very successful approach to her job as my “end of life doula” and my reaction to her suggestions. She gets me and knows that my independent mind, just like hers, has a penchant for gearing me up to do whatever I think I need to do, and in my case, conveniently forgetting the fact that due to aging and my breaking body, following through does not usually go well for me. She has also watched how I’ve been dealing with the chronic pain and since I crashed off the narcotics, seriously working with me to move away from the pain and get physically better. So, my answer is usually Fuck No!

Here’s what happened:

Alice: How long have you been drinking those 6 bottles of Diet Coke?

Chick: About 40 years or so.

Alice: You really need to start drinking water for your body to start healing.

Chick: Fuck No! I don’t like water and am perfectly content with my Diet Coke.

Alice: Explains what all that aspartame over that many years is doing to my body.

Chick: OK, Fine! I’ll drink the fucking water!

Alice after I was up to 2 bottles of water a day: You’re halfway there. 2 more bottles a day and you’ll be drinking the daily recommended 64 ounces.

Chick: Why the fuck do I need to do that?

Alice: Laughs her head off and says, you will.

Sure enough, I did. Recently I lapsed into drinking more Diet Coke, but once again, I’m re-learning my lessons…thank you Alice. Recently, Alice noticed my consumption of Diet Coke was increasing and started mentioning that water thing again.  One evening while she was visiting me in my smoking garage, I was drinking my caffeine free Diet Coke and she grabbed a couple of bottles of water for herself.  (I didn’t notice that she also set down a water bottle on the table near my chair).  After she left and as I was taking my last swallow from my Diet Coke thinking “Damn, just when I got comfortable I suppose I gotta go inside and get another Diet Coke,”I turn my head slightly to the left and see…you guessed it…a fucking bottle of water.  So, I texted her: 

Chick:  So now you’re talking to me when you’re not even here.  I just took my last sip of soda, thinking I gotta get up and get one.  As I turn my head as I finish the sip, there’s a fucking bottle of water.  I suppose I gotta drink that now😅😂🤣”

Alice’s response:  lol yes you do 

So, now I’m working on that water thing again.  Damn her!  😅😂🤣

After starting physical therapy in the pool and using a floaty to swim:

Alice: You need to start kicking your legs and swim without that floaty.

Chick under my breath: Fuck you! I’m not ready yet.

Alice: Quietly watches me continue to swim with the floaty.

Chick: OK, Fine? I’ll show you! Threw the floaty up on the side of the pool and did a lap without it.

Alice: I knew you could do it.

Chick: Yeah, after you fucking challenged me!

Alice: Laughs her head off and says, I know.

As I struggled with pain and injuries while riding my bike:

Alice: What do you think about riding a trike?

Chick: Fuck No! I need my two wheels. Can’t corner for shit on a trike. Gotta ride my ride.

Others: Maybe you should get a smaller bike, or maybe consider not riding?

Chick: Fuck No! You’re going to have to pry my handlebars out of my cold, dead hands. Not giving it up!

Alice: I’m really concerned about your physical ability and age (70) when we start this 50-state motorcycle ride.

Chick: It’s ok, I got this. I’m not giving up my bike to ride a fucking couch on all those roads I’ve been looking forward to cruising and pushing the corners. My favorite way to ride is pushing the corners 15-20 miles over posted…The absolute biggest thrill of my life. And, I’m so good at it, very few of my riding friends can keep up with me in the corners. Fuck No!

Alice: while coming home from our camping and fishing trip and I’m in mega pain from insisting on doing all my setup and tear down myself, falling while jumping off the pontoon because my legs weren’t strong enough to hold me up: Opens up the conversation about my physical state again, and what we have to do to get both of us strong enough to accomplish our ride in a year and a half.

Chick: You know, I’ve been thinking since we left this morning and with the amount of pain that I’m in, and the disgusting way my body is reacting to what I do, and the way I’ve been breaking my feet for years, that maybe, just maybe I need to reconsider this trike thing.

Alice: Turns around and looks at me in surprise. Really…?

Chick: Yeah, I’m thinking that given my age and despite the fact that my brain thinks I can do this anyway, that maybe, maybe I should listen to my body (and you) and think that discretion is the better part of valor. My body is seriously talking to me and saying what the hell are you doing to me? Just because you’re so dead set on riding your bike, you’re going to risk me too?

Alice: Confirms that’s exactly what she’s been thinking about this whole time. And, the fact that I’m willing to ride a trike in order to actually accomplish our ride, takes a whole lot of weight off her shoulders.

Chick: I hadn’t considered the impact on others. It’s about what I want to do.

Alice: Of course it is.

Chick: (She gets me, and she’s right). Ok, I am going to look into getting a trike. I need to do it now, so I can get some experience on a trike before we leave. I’ve never even driven a trike. Guess it’s a good time to start.

That night when I got home, I called our best biking buddy and talked to him about getting a trike. When our schedules clear up and we have a good day to ride over to a trike shop, we’re going shopping.

So, once again, Fuck No! Turns into: Damn, I hate it when she’s right, but I gotta go with it. Good thing she just laughs at my “Fuck No” and carries on anyway.

During another conversation just this morning, we discussed how the whole team was worried about me making it on 2 wheels, and while that really kind of pisses me off that they doubt my abilities, when I push my ego aside, I realized that everyone is working their ass off to make sure we can accomplish our Chick and Alice mission. I once more need to be accountable and do whatever I can to make sure we’re successful. That ego is still there and it won’t let me be the “weakest link” on this team.

So, here I go looking for a trike. Stay tuned to see what happens.