Baring Me for the We

Like the previous post our fearless and brave Board Member and Media Guru Leader Jen previously wrote. I am not writing about what I intended to. I was going to continue on with “What I learned from my Pedophiles” segment. Which I feel is valuable information regardless of how hard it is for people to digest.

The Year of the Horse 2026. (Google Search)

The fire horse is also a sprinting animal, which indicates that 2026 is a year in which events will unfold rapidly. Experts say the Year of the Horse will demand “bold action and risk taking,” in stark contrast to 2025's Year of the Wood Snake, which was viewed as a time for cautious progress.

Now, this is a short version so for the rest of you curious souls you are welcome to do a deep dive into it. Not that y’all need permission, but it’s interesting and in my experience fits the bill.

I have touched base on this in a few past blogs. That I had my surgery on December 3rd. This put me down physically longer than I have ever been physically down. Some gurus and spiritual folk would say that this is the universe/god putting you in a place to rest before you have to return to the battle. Surface level thinking will not comprehend this and they don’t need to. I am here for a certain demographic. This becomes more and more evident as time goes on. This surgery put me in a way of the observer only. I typically do both but always on the move. Surprisingly, it was not near as difficult as it would have been years ago to not be able to move the way my body loves to move. I was forced to slow down and knowing I couldn’t do anything about it I could’ve sat and dwelled or accept it for what it is. Did I have a few days of fit thrown? Absolutely, I am living the human experience after all. I have learned to be patient, and understand the importance of it and that all happens in divine timing. That my abilities of foresight and pattern recognition are on point and I don’t need to rush what I see that others cannot. Just let it be, what will be will be. Knowing that regardless of the path we choose the outcome is the same. Both paths presenting their own challenges but the same lessons, same outcome. This realization was huge for me in knowing that everything will be what it shall be and no matter what the outcome will be the same. All weight lifted. Walk the path presented before you with a half cocked smile of challenge accepted and knowing with every fiber of your being it’ll all work out in the end. Complete faith.

In the observations of the last few months, I had to withdrawal, consider things that not many understand the magnitude or the gravity of. I see the big picture always, have and always will. The cause and effect. I was born and wired this way from day one. Making it undeniable, impossible not to understand everyone in my presence. Causing me to forgive and allow continuous mistreatment too easily. I fought this as hard as my human self wanted to wallow in hate, resentment and grief. Many would argue that I am justified to do so with all the past experience I have attained over the years. However, I knew better. Tried drowning myself in drug addictions early in life, built walls around my heart, while feeling like I was cursed because I wasn’t like the majority of folk in this world. I got over all that. Realizing I can forgive while setting boundaries for myself equivalent to not forgetting. Boundaries is another story but not for today too much.

According to astrology charts for a Double (Sun&Moon) Pisces Rising Sagittarius + Wood Ox. The stars alignment of my desert stormy birth. I was destined to speak and step into leadership. My life pattern and past experiences have only reinforced it. So I’ll bite. Energetically and chakra healing proving my number one challenge was my throat chakra. One of my biggest fears growing up and up to recent years was speaking out publicly even in writing blogs I fight myself daily. Ask my team how they have to talk me into posting things I do not want to post. Then having to bow out when they’re right.

Leadership scared the hell out of me and I never wanted it. Always from a place of fear. I fought it even with employers who wanted to promote me to leadership because of what a tight ship I run. Their words, but I can’t say they are wrong. As I grew in the world we all reside in attending school learning about the leaders in the world. I understood power early, and how incredibly easy it is to step over the line into the realm of abuse of power. Watching, learning and studying all about the masses of sacred human beings that suffered due to the big picture views of the leaders who started out to make a difference and were consumed by the corruption of the systems in place, lost themselves and started running from a place of greed for wealth no matter the costs of lives, peoples homes, and rape of the sacred lands that Mother Earth gives so freely. I didn’t want a position of leadership because of the responsibility and the thin line majority of leaders cross over into abusing their place of power.

Life pushed me to step into it regardless. Can’t fight the fate of the stars. Take it from someone who has tried, fiercely. Seeing things the way I have always seen things. Being an awkward girl that didn’t fit in even in the groups that let you in but you could never talk about these things. You know where it would get you. My life pattern if I could paint a picture and I have described it this way before. Is like me walking down the yellow brick road but with spider webs of lines of communications (experiences) coming in 24/7. I never got a break. It was always something. The something’s were not normal something’s. Not like other's life patterns and experiences. I was experiencing numerous counts of situations simultaneously. While trying to maneuver in a mundane world where I didn’t fit in. Always stepping into protecting the underdogs, outcasts, misunderstood, the quiet ones that walked with the heads down through the halls that people would snicker at. Unfortunately I walked in a few of those crowds and I am sure some felt I was with them because of “guilty by association”, the nerds, the trench coat wearing nerds that built Star Trek models in their free time and made the most incredible spaces at home. I often knew what the quiet ones were saying, feeling without them ever speaking. All the deep thinkers and deep empaths of the world. I deeply related to them but my life (star/chart alignment) had other plans. To build a warrior of the same cloth as the underdogs forged in the pits of hell. Patterns folks, patterns.

My point is in the last few months, the non-profit was tested gravely on its integrity. As everything is. Leadership is not what I struggle with anymore. I have accepted and stepped into my fate. What I was struggling with and currently struggling with is again with leadership comes responsibility. With that responsibility there has to be boundaries and lines drawn in order to protect the integrity of what you are building and trying to accomplish. Making decisions others do not understand or grasp the concepts of because they do not see the big picture. The curse, if you will, of leadership is while others get to step into places in their lives ranting about it's all about me and their actions following suit. That as a leader you do not get this luxury. You cannot wallow in your human experiences of pain, anguish, anger, rage or grief. You have to process information at a much faster rate than anyone else putting all emotions and triggers to the side whilst considering everyone else at all times. Considering the cause and effect of not just your actions but watching the patterns of everyone’s else’s to predict their moves and counter moves. Yes, obviously for self preservation considering yourself as well but it’s a juggling act at all times with no in between.

A few things people have told me that stuck with me in preparation for who I am today in this realm…. “That I am an octopus ‘the brain’ with my tentacles in all areas at all times.” “Can’t make everyone happy.” “Your biggest strength is your heart but it is also your biggest weakness. You’ll have to find the balance.” There is so much in this arena where I have been challenged and had to step into who I am and was always supposed to be.

I am constantly calculating, watching, observing patterns while fighting my own shadows. One being my heart. Giving more than I should. The want to fix because I don’t want anyone to feel anything remotely close to what I have ever felt. My lack of boundaries and allowing not only my personal to bleed into places it shouldn’t but allowing others to bleed into mine. Understanding at the same time that it is in fact all personal for everyone involved. How it could it not be in this entity we are building. My heart isn’t the problem my lack of boundaries is and step by step from these last few months I am growing closer to WAS.

The month of March exposed all the cracks in what we are building. Everything that needs to be addressed. The work load created for the table of leaders vastly stacked up in one swift motion. Instead of the team stepping away they stepped up and in, stood like stone hard enough to vibrate the ethers. I swear I felt all of our combined ancestors step in and around all in the same movement. Regardless of the situation at hand, what it triggered, exposed about everyone involved that each and every one of us will have to work on. I felt and watched the core grow undeniably stronger. While the cracks filled in and reinforced. I couldn’t help but be entirely whole heartedly fucking proud of how my team stood their ground. How they protected what they are building. Took their stance and stood firm and didn’t waver. Knowing each of them, without saying it out loud know they have things they need to work on about themselves to move forward, but nonetheless. Took it on the chin in their own ways, as I am as well. Don’t think I came out of this unscathed. In their stance they challenged me as their leader to step up while showing me where I was lacking, as they took personal accountability for their own.

Everyone has their place. This go and attempt to everything I have been developing over the years I prayed for a team of leaders, leaders so strong that no one would know who the leader is. What I witnessed and observed is just that. Wouldn’t have known or seen this any other way. It was necessary for the path ahead. Whether they know it or not and for the first time I am not afraid or worried anymore. I have watched this team grow over time and it’s already working for each and every one of us. And all I can do is sit back with a half cocked smile, tip of the hat and a well fucking played with nothing but pure pride. Putting me in a position where I step up and in.

With that there are boundaries being built. Awareness of the heart beat and rhythm we just created. While others in their places put hands up backing down and out which was a pattern they have shown through out all this time. I realized I can no longer take on more work without drawing lines. The core showed me where they stand and that they mean business. The core that will see this to the end. That will be working on and at the facility when it’s built. It doesn’t matter who rides with me, for me or against me. All that matters is I get over that finish line. It is not my responsibility to get any one else besides myself across that line because they already stated that's where they drop off. The core wants me to cross the finish line, come home and build. Everyone else is expendable, they proved that with the work they continued to push off after raising their hand countless times. Wanting the title but not doing the work. This isn’t about me, the core is a we. The core undoubtedly just said by their ACTIONS, and all the work put in they are all in 'til the end. They stood like stone. I bow my head with respect and honor in this acknowledgment and agree to the terms THEY put forth, because this is not all about me. Never has been and never will be. Baring me for the We.