Soulmates - Soul Connections

Alice wrote an excellent blog last week about Soul Ties and what they mean to her.  She and I have had several discussions around this topic over the last two years, so I thought I should share my thoughts with you as well.

As with everything associated with human beings, every one of us is different, has had different experiences and drawn individual conclusions throughout our life journeys.  As with all healing, physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. each person’s experience is unique and different.  Not right or wrong, different and unique.

I, like a lot of people I know, always associated soulmates with a romantic relationship.  I’ve always felt and often said that my husband and I are soulmates.  It’s the only way I can explain the bond of love between us which seemed to only grow over the years, no matter what we went through.  That bond of love made us stronger together than either one of us was alone. It’s also the only way I can explain how I felt about him in the beginning.  We knew each other as friends for several months before that magical moment happened.  For the previous year and a half since my second divorce, I had no intention of settling down with anyone and was definitely playing the field.  I had a man in Minneapolis, one up north in my home town, one in South Dakota at that particular time.  I made it very clear from the beginning that I was not interested in love, wasn’t looking for it, just a good time with someone I enjoyed being with.  If anyone started talking love, I was out of there.  I like to ride motorcycle, dance and have a good time, sex can be included.  Period.  End of Story.

This time was different.  I don’t know how or why, but it was.  Before we were a couple, he invited me over for a Labor Day Turkey Roast that he was hosting for a bunch of friends from his AA group.  That day when I arrived, I instantly recognized the woman that he had mentioned that was interested in him, even though I hadn’t met her or the other women yet. By the time, I walked from the front door through to the kitchen, every woman in that kitchen knew he was mine and out of play.  Women, you get it, men, probably not.  But there can be a lot of undercurrents in women’s conversations that you’ll never get (or want to).  But, there you have it.  Sometime later that week we made love for the first time.  I’m not here to talk about that, but the important thing that happened to me after that is that within a week I had contacted the current men in my life and told them I was moving on.  It was fun, don’t call me, I won’t call you.  At that time I had no idea if he felt the same way or not, whether the relationship was going to go anywhere and I certainly never was getting married again.  I already proved that didn’t work well for me…twice…plus we were both just putting our lives back together again after getting sober.  I knew only one thing.  I wanted to be with him and while I was with him, it didn’t feel right to be with anybody else and I didn’t want to be with anybody else.  I had always been faithful in my marriages, but this was more than that.  This was a feeling deep inside me that I didn’t want anybody else.  Turns out I never wanted anybody else ever again, never even looked or thought about it.  As corny as it sounds, I found the love I was looking for.  After 40 years, I believe we are the best thing that ever happened to each other and he will tell you the same, as would our parents.  I even married the man after over four years of living together and love him to this day.  Now we all have our baggage and our life wasn’t perfect, but it worked for the two of us together and our love for each other only grew stronger over the years. I truly believe we were soulmates from the beginning.  Back then, I didn’t really understand or recognize it, but somehow inside I knew it.

As I mentioned earlier, Alice and I have had several conversations on this topic.  She calls it soul ties, I call it soul connections.  Over the years I’ve come to understand through the connections I have made with other people that have often developed a level of connection at the deeper soul level.  Those are the people in my circle today, men and women.  It has nothing to do with romance or sex.  It has to do with a recognition of who the other person is at a deeper level as you get to know them that makes you want to keep them in your life.  We support each other and are there for each other.  Lot of times we just have fun together, but it is a hell of a lot more fun with those connections that you can be comfortable being yourself with.

When talking about soulmates or soul connections, I must talk about the other biggest soul connection in my life.  That is Alice.  The day we met in the nail salon, we both knew the connection was there.  It was like we already knew each other, but didn’t.  And, we followed up on that connection and started talking.  The more we talked, the more the words tumbled out.  It was like we were catching up with each other after a long time of not seeing each other.  That connection has grown over time and when she first became my “death doula”, then later we shook hands on doing this 50-state ride together, it cemented our connection into a pact we are both embracing wholeheartedly.  We’ve only known each other for two years, but it has been two years of tremendous growth for each of us and a pure joy to share this journey with her.  We are from different generations and different upbringings, but that only makes for some very interesting twists on conversations.  We share the same core values and seem to walk in parallel paths as we share our growth and lessons learned as it is happening.  We get a kick out of the craziest things and love to make each other burst in to hysterical laughter, but also help mop up the tears with love and humor.  And then there’s the biker soul.  I recognized it the moment I met her, my biker soul met hers.

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that whether you call it soulmate, soul ties, soul connections, at whatever level you find it, grab on to it and nurture it when you find it.  To me it has been one of the most precious things I’ve experienced in this life and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Love and Peace

Chick